Whilst the predominant community opinion is that the Chinese year of the rabbit seems inappropriate for the Schack family, there is no doubt a minority alternate view.
Much of theyear was spent testing some of the hypotheses presented in the book “Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps” by Allan and Barbara Pease.
The first of these was that women talk more - 20,000 words a day compared with 7,000 for the average man - and they talk twice as fast. This may seem obvious to some, and many of you may recall the old joke "Once I didn't talk to my wife for six months - I didn't want to interrupt." William and Michael believed they found supportive evidence for this assertion at a Collingwood-North Melbourne football match, where it appeared a woman behind them was running in deficit on her daily word count, and needed to up the ante. Having initially assumed the person she was talking to was her marital partner, it was a surprise when she announced her early departure to meet her husband and it became apparent that some lucky stranger had been allocated a seat next to her that day.
Another proposition in the book was that women communicate indirectly, whereas men hear words literally. Michael uncovered supportive evidence for this proposition in the process of purchasing Grand Final tickets. Apparently when a woman responds to a question like “Do you want a grand final ticket?” with “I have never been to a Grand Final – it would be an experience” it is not a literal statement of fact coupled with a thoughtful view of the future, but really means “Yes -- buy me a ticket”. In practical terms it can also be interpreted as “payment of a sum equivalent to the cost of a ticket will pacify those not included”.
Helen’s achievements included an incredible surprise of a “romantic getaway” in Melbourne. The concept of booking two hotels (in different suburbs) on the one night was just the “extra”needed for the “wow factor”.
Her references to an “overlap” as a “lap over” and “whipper snapper” as“whipper snipper” prompted an amateur, and probably misguided, diagnosis of Paraphasia (a form of aphasia in which a person has lost the ability to speak correctly, substituting one word for another, and jumbling words and sentences unintelligibly). However, before dismissing the diagnosis too quickly we should recall her referring to a particular Dulux paint colour as "Hog’s Breath" rather than “Hog Bristle”.
Her thoughts on chivalry received some colorful exposure after slipping on ice and tumbling into the snow at Mount Buller. The debate over whether a chivalrous man would assist a stricken lady to her feet, or take a photo of her as she struggled in the snow, may go on for eternity, but one should not underestimatethe value such experience in contributing to the discussion on the “death of chivalry”.
A number ofquestions were raised about Michael’s consciousness during the year. There maybe a long wait for answers, but we’ll ask them anyway.
Did he just get sick of answering the phone or did he just not see it when he ran over it with the lawn mower?
What was he thinking walking into a crowded marquee at the folk festival with toilet paper dangling from the rear of his jeans?
Did he really think the biscuit tin was the correct repository for kitchen garbage?
What value did he see in storing the sugar in the fridge?
Does he really think the police would believe him went he said he was only doing 90 kmh when their radar gun indicated 110?
Did he really think wiping out the side panel of the family’s campervan would impress anyone with his trailer backing prowess?
Did he really think super-glue residue on his hands would lead others to assume he had calluses from working in the garden?
Did he reallyhave to locate all the water pipes on the property by puncturing them with a shovel, axe or pick?
Was he really trying to evaluate the idling capacity of his old Falcon by leaving it running unattended for four and half hours in the back yard while he drove to Warrnambool in another car after jump starting it with the Falcon?
Rebecca returned from overseas to witness a Grand Final loss. Having lived in India for a while she assumed it would be okay to climb in the window of her grandmother’s house – something that attracted the attention of two thirds of the officers at the Essendon police station, who suggested she might be better off at her parent’s home rather than running rampant in suburbia. Coincidentally, her return to the empty nest vacated some years ago coincided with a rise in phone charges, an increase in electricity costs and an excess data usage notice from the Internet service provider.
Hannah excited everyone by getting engaged to Dan. Perhaps even more exciting was the valuable insight she gained into her parents’ demographic when the family attended an event at the Oakleigh RSL. Having been regularly exposed to the condom displays in the rest-rooms of inner city venues it was a revelation to find the RSL facilities sported advertisements for incontinence underwear.
William graduated from University and turned his attention to “blogging”, where his emotive descriptions of the agony and ecstasy associated with a Collingwood finals campaign attracted the attention of many. One of his final posts included the phrase “My name is William and I’m a recovering Grand Final attendee”.
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