It was the long weekend of March 2026. Not long out of hospital after vascular surgery, and only days since my abdication from commitments at the Port Fairy Folk Festival, I looked forward to a restful weekend. With my wife away at the festival, Sunday morning seemed a good time to attempt a relaxing stroll around the property. In the back paddock - leased to a neighbour to house sheep, horses and other assorted animals - some miscellaneous branches of wood attracted my attention, prompting the thought that I should retrieve them. With a yet to heal surgical wound in my groin, I tentatively negotiated the crudely constructed stile and landed safely on "the Other Side". A flock of nearby sheep, although aware of my intrusion, seemed unpeturbed. The branch collection activity was not long in duration before a sudden thud to my hind quarters eliminated any complancey I may have harboured. Damn! -- I'd forgotten about the aggressive wether that had head-butted me on the buttocks a few months ago , and had attacked one of my grandchildren a while later. Recalling the deterrent technique I had previously employed, I turned to shoo the predatory creature away. This time it was ready though --charging headlong towards me, knocking me to the ground. Gathering my senses, I attempted to scramble to my feet. Before I became upright, it charged again, returning me to a supine position. At this point I momentarily recalled an underground New York record label called "DeathbySheep", and decided on another approach. On hands and knees I met the next charge by grabbing the recalcitrant sheep's legs, bringing it to the ground and constricting its mobility by lying on top of it. As I caught my breath I considered my next move. Glancing to my left, I detected a potential escape route only 10 metres away -- a gate. Admittedly it had a chain on it, but it was the best option available. I arose cautiously from the temporarily passive animal, ready to return it to a subduable state at a moment's notice. In the absence of any ovine musculoskeletal activity, I took the chance to hobble to the gate. Fumbling with the chain, I caught sight of my adversary rising from the ground following increased awareness of the lack of restraint. Before any re-focussing on my location occurred, I was through the gate and breathing fresh air.
Later that night I used Google AI to try hand find out how to handle an agressive wether. The search produced this information : "The Submissive Pin: For severe or recurring aggression, you can physically flip the wether onto its side or back and pin it down. Hold the animal down until it stops struggling and completely relaxes. This demonstrates that you are the dominant herd leader. "
